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Nov. 7th, 2008 @ 02:24 pm Still Missing Those Sunglasses...
Tomorrow is my anniversary and the wife and I are painting the town red. Going to one of Chicago's best known and classiest restaurants. Going to do some other fun stuff too.

I don't get to dress up much nowadays. In fact, working in silk pj's is my way of dressing up for work. I go weeks without opening my closet doors. Everything I need to dress for work is in two drawers. So, when I get the chance to dress up, I dress to the nines. And sunglasses are part of my look.

I've got nothing to go with my Mr. Classy Gentleman attire tomorrow. I will feel naked. I feel sad.

I've put out the feelers to see if anything was found. Been browsing Craigslist hoping the spirit of exuberent Chicago might make someone come forward and put the glasses up on the Lost/Found. But I know human nature. If I found those sunglasses, I'd probably think I hit the jackpot, too.

To add insult to injury, I found the sunglasses online for nearly half what was originally paid for them. I don't want to buy another. It would feel like I was replacing a child or a cat with another child or cat. Just not right.

Anyway, here is what I used to have. RIP.

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Nov. 5th, 2008 @ 09:11 am No! Stupid!
Barack Obama says, "Yes, We can!"

but....

Sofia Bella says, "NO! Stupid!"

Sofia is not a Republican nor a Marine. But she is almost 2 and she walks around the house curtly sputtering "NO!" all day long. We have two cats, one of them has the last name of "Steubenschaft." But we call him "Steub." Little 19 month old Sofia has trouble saying "SHH-TOYBH", so it sounds like she is saying "stupid." Since I often curtly shout out "STEUB!!" when he is being naughty or interrupting me at work, Sofia has picked up on that. Put those No! and Steub! together, and you get what sounds like Sofia saying "No! Stupid!" And it is fricking hilarious.
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Nov. 5th, 2008 @ 12:00 am Chiba 0, Solar System 1, Father In Law -1
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Obama wins! And in a landslide! We needed some change, we need to fix serious, endemic problems. Now we have the hope to begin to do it.

With all due respect to Chiba, but not my FIL, McCain had my support in 2000. He was precisely the moderate Republican the party needed to carry it into the next century as a dignified party. And, as egotistical, self-centered rich people are, they squandered those opportunities and remained self-centered panderers to the Evangelical, single issue constituency. McCain has a background like many in Washington--murky and less public servant and more self-servant. Nonetheless, with the thought of Al Gore being president in 2000, McCain was a very rational, good choice. The Republican party has engulfed itself in the flames of greed and its Reagan ideology with it in the dustbin of history. Evangelicals who wish to remain polarized from modern society by focusing on one issue will have no choice but to form their own party.

McCain's concession speech really demonstrated the type of candidate he was in 2000, but was not in 2008. I cannot call it a shame, because he was the wrong choice for this new era and new problems, but it does speak to the decisions he felt he had to make for himself to be competitive, and they really sold him and his true idealogy out.

So, now we move on in a new world. Obama's speech in Grant Park was extremely hopeful, yet genuinely cautious about setting expectations for the future. And that I can not only live with, but also applaud for its sincerity.
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Nov. 4th, 2008 @ 01:36 pm Obama Election Night Tickets...
Current Location: Chicagoland
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I am torn. Much to my surprise, I got a ticket to the Obama Election Night party in Chicago. 70,000 tickets were distributed. You were pretty lucky to get one.

But I am not a crowds person. . .

My wife can't go, she has to watch Sofia. . .

Not too keen to go alone. . .

Have a very unpredictable sphincter. . .

Not a crowds person. . .

But I love going to historic places, and this is one event that even if all I can do is hear a deafening roar and see a jumbotron, to say I was there would place me among just 70,000 people who got the privilege to see the first African-American become president. One of 70,000 on a planet of 6 billion people who will all be looking to one man's dream to begin their own. . . man, that is heady!

And yet my wife would be stuck alone the evening of the most important election in modern *world* history. Yeah, it's that big of a deal. Push it to the back of your mind or thoughts, or be a McCain supporter, this is the most important election in modern world history. You cannot deny it. So, it doesn't seem right to not be watching the results all night with her. And we both campaigned together for Obama. We should be together on the night to celebrate.

A few friends of mine say that security is a total mess in Chicago for the event. There is only one entrance into the Obama event. 70,000 people will wait in an enormous line that will wind perhaps all the way to Soldier Field from Grant Park. Once in Hutchinson field, they will be completely surrounded by 1 million additional people. It is conceivable that even if I did get downtown in time, I might completely miss the Obama rally because the line is so clogged at one entrance. I hate that kind of thing. I hate long lines, stuck in the middle of crowds, only to find yourself in a crowd again.

Then there is the private discussion on one of my forum newsgroups about reservations Chicago cops have about how they are supposed to keep order. They are being given canisters of gas to subdue the crowds if things get rowdy. . . This is Chicago. . . even if Obama wins, it will get somewhat rowdy. If he loses, or it looks like we will wait until the morning for final results?? Full scale riot the likes of which make Rodney King look like a children's festival at Willow Creek Community Church in South Barrington.

Now, I do love me a good riot. It is your occassional chance to get in some anonymous ass kicking, car overturning, property burning, and wildapeman activity in an otherwise civilized life. And Chicago's riots are known as being one hell of a party. Those Daley mayors, Democrats be damned, will open up the hoses. Hell yes.

So, lets say I go down. The likely scenario is all of the above. If I make it out alive, the stories I will have will be much richer than those I've heard my older relatives speak of when JFK was assisinated.  "My dad was there at the rally, kicked some ass at the riot, walked a total of 12 miles through pools of blood, and it took him 5 hours to drive 30 miles home in a burned out Saab. Yes, my dad was there when the first black president was elected. He helped elect him, too!"

Then there is my lonely wife. What would her story be? "My mom was at home all alone, eating a humongous salad, and caught clips of America's Next Top Model between updates on ABC and a bowl of sugar free ice cream. She helped Obama get elected, too." Ho hum. I know my wife wouldn't care about me going down, she's been very supportive of my need to reach out with friends and do some shit.

But this feels different. I think I should be home with my wife tonight, holding her tight as our hopeful and hopefilled candidate addresses our city. We'll stay home and eat some of the most awesome BBQ in the area, and the most amazing poundcake you've ever eaten from the BBQ Master's wife. It's damned good. Not www.smoquebbq,com good, but very close.

If life is about where you are, then it means I should be home with my life partner, wife and best friend on a night of historic proportions.

And who knows, perhaps there will be a terrorist attack. Wouldn't want to be down there for that.
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Nov. 4th, 2008 @ 09:44 am A Vote For John McCain...
...is a vote against me and my family.

Unless you are Chiba. 

Chiba gets a pass and an exemption.

However, for my father-in-law, he does not. hahahahha
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Nov. 3rd, 2008 @ 03:23 pm The Loss of Me
Perhaps I have become too materalistic. I lived a life for many, many years where there was this constant depraviation of just stuff. And then suddenly I'd get a ton of fun stuff in a rush--then go years without. That is childhood in an financially strapped household. When I finally got a great paying job in my mid-20s I said I'd enjoy the life I missed out on in my childhood. I bought anything I wanted, and traveled wherever I wanted. I also ate anything I wanted...but that is another story...

Then I met my wife. And she isn't materialistic at all from the standpoint of valuing things. She likes things, but when they break or she breaks them, it's no sweat off her back, no matter what it is is. Breaking a glass and totalling a car mean exactly the same to her, the only difference is the effect it has on her back.

Then there was the robbery. They took not only my stuff, but my dad's stuff. My dad's 30 years of collecting watches and gentleman's jewelery was gone. None of it was ever recovered, and I did not have renters insurance. The renters insurance issue was not much of a big deal. It was all worth well under 10K, it was the sentimental value. And I had started a small collection of mid-range watches myself, that got swiped. I said to myself, never again. So I stopped buying watches and for many years either went out, or wore a rugged digital.

Years passed and I said, "I love sunglasses." So I got into those. And my wife started destroying those. She has never intentially damaged anything. But it just seems to happen with her. When we bought our livingroom furniture many years ago, we went with a distressed look just so she wouldn't have to worry about ruining it. In fact, we still call it "pre-ruined furniture".

Three great pairs of sunglasses, all priced around 100 dollars each--destroyed, ruined or lost.

Then I fell in love with a pair of RayBans. And I said to myself, I haven't gotten anything nice for myself in quite a long time. I will ask for these pricey sunglasses for my birthday. 4 people chipped in to buy them for me. They were that nice. RayBans typically are priced pretty mid-range, but these were at the high end of high. And thus, with every other materialistic thing I've ever loved, it too disappeared.

When it happened, I felt this surge of rage. Everything came back. All that loss, all those reminders from childhood, the economic realities that make owning those sunglasses an excess in these days, my wife's lack of concern about material things. And I blew up and blew out in a major way. It was on the inside that I felt it the most, but I did get very angry with my wife. They were in her possession at the time they disappeared. I know she didn't intentionally lose them or misplace them. But nonetheless, I held her responsible...yet again.

So here I am. My wife tells me I should replace them. But I don't want to. I am over sunglasses. The two fashion accessories a hetrosexual man can enjoy if he so desires have been culled from my desires quadrant in the soul. I will probably go back to wearing regular glasses again, and get some with transitions so they will always be in my posession.

I am not sure what to think about myself. That hole inside of me that I fill with material things is much deeper than I'd like to admit. And it is a foolish place. On the other hand, I really feel like the world doesn't care about my stuff as much as I'd like it to. Knowing that I will die one day and no one will care about the stuff does little to help me. I cared about my dad's stuff a great deal. It's just the fact that it was irresponsibly stored--such a great failure on my part. And thus now, yet again, history taught me nothing. I left my sunglasses with someone who didn't care about them the want I wanted them to.

I want to swear off the material world, but I am so tied to it. And that hits me hard. Perhaps there is a median. Some moderate place where I can comfortably sit with a healthy regard for fine quality and the knowledge that things break, are destroyed, stolen, and disrespected on a daily basis. I don't know if I can get to that place. I don't know if I can cross that bridge now.

The pain of so many lost things that I cherished is so deep. It is ironic that I spent my childhood with so little. But the truth of it is I pined for it. I pined for it all the time, and when I got one little thing, I just felt so privileged in a world that constantly told me I was living in the midst of a financial crisis.

Now I find myself on that cusp. With Sofia's arrival and my wife's work stoppage, the financial burden to bare has become close to a hand-to-mouth existance. I am about to cross into that chasm of financial insecurity once again. And once again, as I enter this economic depression,  feeling like I have nothing.
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Oct. 28th, 2008 @ 04:05 pm Baby says "Hi!"
Sofia can say many different words now. But there are words she says to herself all day long. Two of them: hi and no.

Yesterday while running errands Sofia, sat in her car seat and pulled her hat over her eyes and then up again over and over, while saying "hi!" each time she could see. She did this for five minutes straight. So cute. Her "hi!" is so girly and sweet.

She also loves to say "no." But even there, you can't help but adore her for it. She'll walk around with her monkey and various Elmos and say no to them, as if it is meaningless. But, when she is doing something naughty, like trying to grab our cups and glasses from the endtables in the living room, she'll stare at you with a wry smile on her face and say "no" very slowly and deliberately. As she gets closer to her target, the no's get slower and slower. Then she grabs it! And it becomes "yeah!" and she darts off with the prize in hand. That little baby is a pirate!
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Oct. 28th, 2008 @ 04:04 pm Today was Better
You know the old saying, "what a difference a day can make." I had lunch with another friend today and that interaction seemingly made my melancholy from yesterday disappear.

Nonetheless, I am still faced with a problem. Maintaining friendships during this time is difficult. I will have to work hard at it.
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Oct. 27th, 2008 @ 12:36 pm The Friendship Gap
I feel lonely. Today was the first day out with a friend in quite a while. This working at home gig has almost as many pros as it has cons for me. Going into it I thought it would be a dream come true, but it's not. It's a happy dream, but not a perfect one. And it's definitely one I am intensely grateful for. But 4 months in, I have to say, the isolation is getting to me.

I've been trying to schedule lunches around my manager and friend's schedules for a while now. It's been hard. Getting out the house is harder than you'd think. It was much easier to pop by a friend's cube and do an impromptu lunch than this has been.

I feel like I am losing my friends slowly, but surely. One of my closest friends today informed me that he is getting a divorce. I was not shocked to hear it, but what saddened me the most was that he has been trying to tell me for a month now. He is not the type to talk on the phone, and he hates email. He had several other changes occur in his life that were much more shocking, and I've missed out on them as they've happened because I wasn't there at the office to hear about them. Sure, there are perhaps other reasons why I am out of touch here. My friend's reluctance to communicate outside of in-person is surely a problem. But I think I was struck by how hard it is to communicate when it is not impromptu with men. I have one other close friend that I can write volumes to, and always get volumes back. But he is very rare among men. And frankly, I have to say I am very comfortable with this friendship's communication modes. This isn't the norm though.

I've tried making "out-of-network" friends only to have my wife thwart them, or in the case of work, not being around each other to actually build into the relationship. It kind of sucks. I feel very isolated today.
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Oct. 8th, 2008 @ 08:57 am John McCain -- What An Asshole
Last night's debate was pretty boring. Same old same old from both of the candidates. The potshots McCain makes towards Obama seem so childish--of a bullying tone. His reputation as a hothead comes across pretty loud and clear in these debates. The guy is a royal asshole--regardless of your political persuasion, it's pretty easy to see. His own party doesn't even like him--they just didn't have anyone else with the visibility he has for this election.

I've read his Wikipedia entry trying to understand what was going through his head when he left his first wife. He was essentially a louse, a lush, and a flanderer.

But it was the recent article in Rolling Stone magazine that really gave me the background on why he was all these things. And now I am convinced that he will start a world war if he is elected. Think GW was bad? We killing ourselves if we elect this guy.

I have very little respect for those with voting trends who vote along party lines, who are single issue voters, or vote based on fear. Is Obama perfect? No. Is he the anti-Christ? Goodness, No! Is he a Muslim? Give me a break. He is someone is is ambitious about doing something genuinely good for America and not just himself in that office.

After reading this article on McCain, and doing some tertiary research on the facts alledged, I am convinced on what an asshole McCain really is. http://www.rollingstone.com/news/story/23316912/makebelieve_maverick/print


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